We all face different barriers in our lives that make us feel stuck.

There are financial barriers that keep us from paying bills, saving money or investing in things we need. There are vocational barriers that keep us from working in a fulfilling job, making the money we need to support our family, or challenging us to grow as a person. There are health barriers that keep us from opportunities to connect with family or friends, or allow us to try new hobbies or work that require physical health. There are spiritual barriers that keep us from a deeper more meaningful relationship with God.

Life is full of barriers. But the good news is that for every barrier there is a bridge to help us break through and reach the other side. In this article, I'll go over some of the lessons I've learned from others I've talked to, books I've read, and personal experiences that have worked for me when breaking through my own barriers in life. Let's get started!

1. MINDSET

You cannot get unstuck where you're at if you're not humble and courageous enough to challenge your mindset. This includes challenging the negative beliefs you have about life, your attitude, your feelings and your behaviors. Unfortunately the most hopeless people I've met in life are the ones stuck in their head. We can be our worst enemy, sabotaging opportunities, personal growth and success in life, all because of our unhelpful thoughts and beliefs.

First, look at the challenge you're in now and honestly ask yourself "what part of this situation did I have control over and influence?" For me, the huge debt I accrued starting my business was MY doing. I had to own that. Second, ask yourself, "Why did I make that decision?" or, "Why am I choosing to stay where I am?" Write it out on paper or in a journal. Take time to evaluate where you're at today and what choice and attitudes led you here.

2. FEEDBACK

Find a trusted friend or two who are competent and have your best interests at heart, and ask for their perspective on where you're at in life. Most stuck people stay that way because they assume they know why they're stuck. Over time, they've developed many unhelpful beliefs and attitudes of their situation like "I have disadvantages no one else has. That's why I am struggling more." These are convenient thoughts that keep us from having to make tough choice that could lead to breakthrough.

When we get wise perspective from trusted friends or mentors, they help us see our lives from a different angle. They can point out blind spots about us and our situation that we cannot identify on our own. When you meet with them, briefly share what you're going through and what you've learned so far, and then turn the conversation over to them by asking what their thoughts are. Then let them talk! As they share, don't respond with excuses or explanations. Avoid arguing with them and just listen. Take notes. Ask clarifying questions.

I've connected with many trusted mentors about barriers in my life I want to address. Every time I talk with them, I determine that I won't argue or make excuses for the advice they give me. You need to do this too.

3. DESTINATION

Something is only a barrier if it's keeping you from ending up where you want to be. But too many times we don't define where the place is that we want to be. We don't really think about what it would mean to get past our barrier and arrive at the destination we want to arrive in. Where do you want to end up at? What would "arriving" look like for you? Where do you see yourself in the near future?

If you have a financial barrier, where do you want to be on the other side of that financial barrier? If you struggle with a bad habit barrier, what would it look like for you to not have that bad habit? If you have a relationships barrier, where do you want to be with your spouse, your children, your coworkers or you other friendships? Take some time to be creative an imagine what life would look like for you to arrive where you want to be.

For me, I imagined what my life would look like without having $60,000 in debt. I wanted to be able to use the extra $950 I was making in monthly payments to put toward savings. That savings would include saving to buying our own house, traveling more to visit family, saving for our financial future, and being able to give more. It wasn't enough for me to realize that I had a financial barrier. I had to decide on the destination I wanted to end up at. Where do you want to end up? What does "arriving" look like for you?

4. DIRECTION

Knowing where you want to end up is one thing, but understanding which direction will take you there is another. If your ladder is leaning against the wrong wall, then no matter what steps you take, you will be wasting your time. Direction matters.

One of the most impactful books I've ever read was 10 years ago by a pastor and leader Andy Stanley and his book was called 'The Principle of the Path". In chapter four, he says this:

"It is the direction of your life that will determine your destination."

In other words, you can have a clear idea of where you see yourself being. But if you haven't figured out the right direction for getting you there, then you'll arrive somewhere you don't want to be. As a Christian, below are the most essential, effective questions I've learned to ask myself to ensure I'm heading the right direction:

• How does this honor God?

• How do I align my destination with what Jesus did and lived?

• Why is this more important than any other destination I could arrive at?

• How does this positively impact me personally?

• How will this be a blessing to those around me?

• How will this allow me to grow into a better person?

One way to clarify your direction more is by creating a list of values. Values are the virtues you decide to live your life by that will allow you to maintain your integrity and develop your character. For a sample of my life values, click here. Values are the filters you screen every decision and action through. If an idea, behavior or choice doesn't align with your values, than don't go through with it. Start developing your values in order to determine the right direction you should take.

5. MAP

Your direction is your compass, but your compass doesn't substitute for a map. A life map clearly lays out which paths you need to take and the land marks that will help you understand the progress you're making. The key with maps is that the best ones are charted by people who have already gone before us. If you're taking a road trip somewhere and use your phone's GPS map to get there, you're relying on technology designed by someone else. The best maps are designed by those who have faithfully journeyed ahead of us and have charted out the terrain for us.

This doesn't mean you have to live your life the way someone else wants you to. It simply means you arrive at your destination by learning the lessons, wisdom, principles and techniques others have discovered through their own experiences. You don't have to go through the same trouble other successful leaders have in order to understand which principles to apply. Why reinvent the wheel when you can stand on the shoulders of others?

One effective way to laying out your map is by connecting with people who have arrived at the destination you want to arrive at. If you want to have a successful business, talk to a successful business owner and ask what it took for them to get where they are today. If you want to have a healthy marriage, talk to someone who has a healthy and happy marriage. If you want to become more physically healthy, talk to someone who is physically healthy.

Another way to lay out your map is by reading books. Unfortunately reading is becoming a skill less and less people possess. But if you can make it a skill that you habitually use regularly, it will change your life. Find a book by a trusted, successful author in the area you want to be successful in and read it one chapter at a time. Underline phrases that stand out to you. Write your own notes through out the pages. When you're done with the book, write out one action step you can apply to your life. Read as many books as you need to.

All of these things collectively will help you lay out a map to show you how to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

6. ACTION

Gears only work if they're moving. Every magnificent piece of machinery is made up of well planned systems of gears, each designed with it's own purpose. But if they aren't moving, then the machine is useless. If the gears aren't rotating, you don't have a machine. You have a piece of nicely designed junk!

In the same way, we can spend a lot of time and energy planning, researching, strategizing, brain storming and thinking. And while those things are important to being your launch pad for overcoming barriers, they are not the fuel that launches you in the air. Action is what makes you successful. Tony Robbins, the popular motivational speaker and coach says:

"The path to success is to take massive, determined action."

One of the best ways to getting yourself to taking action is accountability (which I'll talk about in the last point) and setting effective goals. Effective goals are not abstract. Sometimes we set abstract goals that don't motivate actions, such as "I'm going to get out debt" or "I'm going to lose weight". Effective goals are more clear and measurably. An effective goal should include a clear action, a measurable result and a deadline. Here are some examples:

• "I will budget $150 each month in order to pay off my credit card in 24 months"

• "I will attend marriage counseling to work on my anger problems for a minimum of 12 weeks"

• "To make more friends, I will commit to joining a small group or community event once per week and make an effort to talk to at least one person"

• "I will commit to losing weight by jogging 15 minutes every morning, 4 days per week.

• "To pass my exam, I will study 2 chapters each evening for one hour at a minimum"

• "I will join a Celebrate Recovery group every week to help me overcome my bad habits

The key to setting effective goals is to not get discouraged when we don't arrive at our destination quickly. Most breakthroughs will not happen over night. They won't even happen within a week. Think about it - where you are today is not the result of a one time decision. I am not overweight because I drank a Pepsi one time. I'm not in debt because of one purchase I made. I am where I am today because of a series of choices I made over a long period of time. It took time for me to arrive where I am today, and it will take time to get to where I want to go in the future.

I love what James Clear says in his book 'Atomic Habits' about gradual breakthrough. In chapter 1, he says this:

"Breakthrough moments are often the result of many previous actions, which build up to the potential required to unleash a major change."

(If taking action and setting effective goals is a struggle for you, I highly encourage you to read this book.)

7. ACCOUNTABILITY

Be courageous enough to surround yourself with people who have your permission to regularly check in with you. Invite them to hold you accountable and clarify what you need from them. The best accountability partners will do the following:

• Ask good questions over giving advice

• Celebrate wins with you

• Challenge any unhelpful beliefs or choices in a loving way

• Encourage you when you're feeling down

It's worth mentioning that your accountability group doesn't need to be the mentors or coaches that you've previously talked to. It can be someone from your small group at church, a neighbor who has similar goals as you do, or a family member or spouse. Mentors and coaches help you determine the direction and mapping you need for your breakthrough, but accountability partners help you stay the course.

CHANGE IS HARD. BUT COMPLACENCY IS WORSE.

While there is no barrier that's impossible to overcome, it's also true that every breakthrough will be difficult in the beginning. Every step takes effort and determination. But not taking action comes with it's own consequences. For most of us (there are a few exceptions but they are very rare) we are stuck where we are because of our own efforts - or lack thereof. And some of us are really good at staying stuck because of the unhelpful beliefs we've developed about our reality. For some it's easier to have a victim mindset and make excuses for the challenges we're in.

When Lizzy and I started paying off my debt of $60,000 in 2020, I never thought I'd be financially free again. I wanted to file bankruptcy, but Lizzy encouraged me to take the high road and commit to paying off my debt.

As of today, we're down to about $10,000 left and we're projecting to be completely debt free by the Fall of 2025. This is because I applied the 7 steps mentioned in this article. If you want to arrive on their other side of your barrier, you can. Commit to these 7 steps and you will!

And just a quick shout out to my wife Lizzy - she has been the most important person in my life to providing necessary feedback and being a strong accountability partner for me. I wouldn't be where I'm at today without her. Love you hunny!

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